Let's be real about the condescending boss: They put you down because they have an inflated view of their own brilliance and a devalued opinion of almost everyone else. They treat conversations like a performance, allowing you to briefly join the stage before they attack your ideas with a verbal putdown or casually dismiss your suggestions.
This is the person who sees the solution before you even finish stating the problem. And nothing is more insulting than their backhanded compliment when assigning work: “This is easy. Molly can handle it.”
What is really happening?
You're thinking (reality check): Yes, they are business smart, but they are tactless. Everyone tolerates the abrasive style because, although it is annoying, it achieves results. I'm lucky his arrogance is democratic: it's directed at all of us. Still, when I make a comment and they start their follow-up with, “What Molly was trying to say is…”, it drives me crazy. I can express myself perfectly well. Why do I let them make me feel small?
They are thinking (the deception): They truly believe their staff is “panting” trying to keep up. They see their team's contributions as “wrong solutions” that ruin things. They think they are performing genius in the boardroom and that it is necessary to instruct the staff: “Bring me only the problem, not your distorted thoughts.”
Your strategy: change the game, not the boss
You can safely assume that this boss has been validated his entire life and was never taught even an ounce of humility. Trying to change them or soften their rudeness is a waste of your valuable time. What you can change is your reaction and how you inoculate yourself against its attacks.
Anchor your self-esteem: A boss can only make you feel bad if you allow his tactless comments to pierce your internal sense of self. Choose to focus on how talented and valuable you are. If you're busy planning your next success, their rude comments will eventually become background noise.
Quantify your contributions: They need to see that you play a concrete, measurable role in their achievements. They may not appreciate adjectives, but they understand numbers. Prepare your feedback (and your progress reports) in advance. Use data to skillfully and gently remind them how capable you are.
Stay Ahead of the Blame Game: An arrogant boss is the first to shirk responsibility and share the blame when things go wrong. Be on the lookout for office rumors. If a problem is brewing, fix it as soon as possible. Don't wait for it to become a full-blown crisis. Ask them for help (as they believe they are the ultimate solution), but don't make suggestions until they specifically ask you.
Pro Tip: The more respect you can inspire through impeccable preparation and execution, the more their condescending comments will diminish. They may be smart and cocky, but you can be smart and thoughtful. Double and triple check their facts, recognize your authority as the boss, but when you get the green light, act quickly and confidently, and keep them informed every step of the way.
Photo by Jane T D.
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