The modern perspective on date etiquette emphasizes mutual respect and financial fairness. Splitting the bill, or “going Dutch,” is increasingly common, reflecting a shift towards gender equality. (Photo: 10 000 Hours /Getty Images)

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Date etiquette is a topic that often generates diverse opinions, especially when it comes to who should foot the bill.

This subject recently sparked conversation when Nonku Williams, a star of Real Housewives Ultimate Girls Trip shared her experience with a British man she met in Jamaica. After their lunch date, Donovan suggested they go Dutch and split the bill, a proposition that Nonku discussed with her fellow castmate, Nonkanyiso Conco, noting that she is accustomed to splitting the bill on dates.

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Tradition vs modern expectations

Traditionally, it has been expected that the man pays for the date, a norm rooted in historical gender roles where men were often the primary breadwinners. This is still the case in many parts of the world, including KwaZulu Natal where Nonku is from.

This expectation was seen as a way for men to demonstrate their capability and generosity. However, with the evolution of gender roles and increased emphasis on equality, many people now view this tradition as outdated. The modern perspective on date etiquette emphasises mutual respect and financial fairness.

Splitting the bill, or “going Dutch”, is increasingly common, reflecting a shift towards gender equality. This approach ensures that both parties share the financial responsibility, making the date less about one person proving their worth and more about enjoying each other’s company.

Nonku’s experience highlights this evolving norm. Conversely, while her openness to splitting the bill suggests a practical approach to dating, where financial independence and equality are prioritised, her fellow cast members and viewers of the show don’t have the same view.

Although this perspective is becoming more prevalent, especially among those who value equal partnership in relationships, some people take it as a sign that a man in a heterosexual pairing may be an opportunist or a cheapskate. 

Common dating etiquette rules

While who pays for the date is a significant aspect of dating etiquette, there are other important rules that help ensure a pleasant and respectful experience:

• Be punctual: Arriving on time shows respect for your date’s time and sets a positive tone for the outing. It demonstrates reliability and consideration.
• Dress appropriately: Dressing appropriately for the occasion shows that you’ve put thought into the date and that you respect your companion. This doesn’t mean you have to be overly formal, but matching the attire to the venue and occasion is key.

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• Engage in polite conversation: Good conversation is essential for a successful date. Several articles advise avoiding controversial topics like politics or religion on early dates. Instead, focus on getting to know each other through light and engaging topics.
• Be considerate with technology: Constantly checking your phone can be seen as rude. Give your date your full attention to show that you’re genuinely interested in the time you’re spending together.
• Express gratitude: Regardless of who pays, expressing thanks at the end of the date is crucial. Whether it’s a simple “Thank you for a lovely evening” or a follow-up message, showing appreciation goes a long way.

Date etiquette continues to evolve, reflecting broader societal changes towards equality and mutual respect. While the question of who pays can vary depending on individual beliefs and cultural norms, the key is open communication and mutual understanding.