One of the most confusing things I noticed was during our friendly debates. We would discuss a problem, such as health statistics in a particular country, and she would discuss while reading her phone, as if we didn't notice. We were discussing what we had already read, but she would be looking for real -time facts, often changing to a completely different topic and not related to mid -argument. He was very exhausting, and always left me feeling fired and incredibly frustrated.
I read the book by Shanna Pearson, invisible ADHD: proven mood management and life for intelligent but scattered women, an educational reading. Published at the end of 2025, this is not just another textbook; It is a compassionate and practical guide that joins the gap between clinical knowledge and experienced experience. Pearson, an experienced ADHD coach with experience in psychology, has created a resource that speaks directly to the presentation in ADHD in women.
Pearson's approach is validant and empowering. She explains that it is not a character defect, but a neurological difference that can be handled with the right tools. The book provides more than 100 practical strategies for everything, from the management of emotional deregulation to Structure daily life. To help you understand your central concepts, here is a simplified table that illustrates some key examples of the book.
| Common behavior | Underlying TDAH Challenge | Pearson practical tool |
| Forgetting appointments/tasks | Bad working memory and initiation of the task. | “The two -minute rule”: If a task takes less than two minutes, do it immediately to avoid forgetting. |
| Emotional outbursts or exaggerated reactions | Emotional deregulation. The brain struggles to filter and process intense feelings. | “The ground connection technique 5-4-3-2-1”: A simple full care exercise to anchor quickly in the present and recover control. |
| Chronic disorganization/disorder | Difficulty with long -term planning and sustained attention. | “The access point 'without disorder': Design a small area (like a nightstick) to always keep clear, providing a visual control signal. |
The way to solutions: what I learned from the book
Beyond simply validating the “why”, Pearson's book provides a powerful “how”. She offers a treasure of daily practical solutions that do not depend on willpower, but on working with the natural wiring of the TDAh brain. It's like receiving a user's manual for a brilliant but sometimes chaotic operating system.
One of the central concepts is outsourcing information. For brains that fight with the working memory, keeping everything in your head is a recipe for disaster. This explains why my friend often forgets the plans or jumps from one subject to another. The solution is to remove it from the head and an external and reliable system. Pearson suggests things like:
- “The landfill”: Instead of trying to hold on to a dozen different thoughts, a person with ADHD can simply write them on a paper or in an application of notes. This releases mental space and avoids that overwhelming feeling of having too much to do at the same time. It's like cleaning the RAM of your computer so you can run faster.
- Creating a “command center”: This is a designated and highly visible place where all essential items such as keys, wallet and live phone. The idea is to make it impossible to lose them, since there is only one place to look at. This could mean a specific hook next to the door for keys or a phones tray, so they don't pass twenty minutes looking for them, wasting time.
Another key area that addresses the book is the procrastination loopwhich is often not about laziness but the lack of dopamine. Starting a task can feel like climbing a vertical wall. Pearson's solutions focus on generating that crucial motivation.
- “The two -minute rule”: This simple idea is misleading. If a task takes less than two minutes, do it immediately. This could be putting a dish in the dishwasher, send a fast email or get the garbage. These small completed tasks provide a small success of dopamine and generate impulse, which makes it easier to address larger projects.
- “Body Duplicating”: This is the concept of doing a task with another person to stay focused. For many with ADHD, simply being in the presence of another person who is also working can help them stay in the task. This could explain why my friend cannot concentrate alone, but he can do things while on the phone with me. Create a gentle and external sense of responsibility that avoids internal struggle.
Pearson's book also offers solutions to navigate social situations and arguments. My friend's behavior taking her phone during our debates, for example, is not just about disrespect; It is a frantic attempt to self -confug and regulate emotions. A useful tool is the concept of previously planned responses.
- Creating a “cooling” script: The book suggests having predetermined phrases to use when emotions become too high. Something as simple as “I feel overwhelmed at this time, can we talk about this in 10 minutes?” You can prevent a discussion from intensifying and giving the person the opportunity to calm your nervous system instead of reaching your phone.
- A broader understanding
In addition to these focused strategies, Pearson's book also provides a rich frame to understand other common ADHD experiences:
- Emotional deregulation and phone: Pearson explains that during stressful or high -risk interactions such as an argument, ADHD brain may feel overwhelmed. The instinct of getting a phone is not a sign of lack of respect, but rather a coping mechanism, a desperate attempt to regulate overwhelming emotions looking for a quick dopamine blow of a different activity. It is a distraction technique born of neurological overload, not an intentional act of rudeness.
- Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD): She explains this intense emotional pain of perceived or real criticism. The book helps readers identify and manage these overwhelming feelings, which can lead to anxiety and avoidance. (Read about Time anxiety.
- The “ADHD Tax”: Pearson talks about the hidden costs of ADHD, from paying backward rates in invoices to buying multiple versions of a forgotten article. Puts a name at the financial and emotional cost of living with the condition.
- Hyperfocus as superpower: Instead of seeing Hyperfocus as an inconvenience, it helps readers to learn to take advantage of it to obtain personal and professional profits, turning a potential responsibility into a productive tool.
Pearson's book is a powerful educational tool for anyone who wants to go beyond a simple diagnosis and really understand the neurobiological basis of ADHD and its daily impact. For me, he provided a new lens through which to see my friend not so dispersed or forgetful, but as a person with a unique neurotype that, like all of us, can prosper with the appropriate tools and understanding.
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