Why do some women hide their success?

Why do some people, especially women, buy a property, a car, or even take care of things at home, only to tell everyone, “It's my husband's”?

Why is this considered normal? I want to write from three angles: traditional expectations, modern life, and spiritual perspective.

Traditionally, society has expected women to be “less than” men. Even if a woman wants to be successful, she is often told to slow down so that her husband doesn't feel insecure. Growing up in Nigeria, I have seen countless women sacrifice their dreams, give up parts of their lives and even when they make money, insist that it belongs to their husbands, to make him feel like the head of the family.

Case in point: At a church women's conference, a speaker advised women that if their husband has a fertility problem, they should take the blame and “cover it up,” even telling people that they are the ones with the problem. What a ridiculous thing to say: as if women existed to carry all the burdens. Oh really. Do you know what women who struggle to have children go through at the hands of critical family members, in-laws, and relatives? And when the problem is actually with the man, she is expected to lie and claim that he is hers. Who can even talk about their private life? It's crazy. That video went viral and many were shocked by the advice of a church leader. But here's the pattern: This kind of advice comes mostly from women of the older generation. Because? Because many adopt what is called “pick me” behavior: they shrink, endure the suffering, and allow themselves to be trapped in a submissive and controlling dynamic.

Some women pay family rent, buy property or make major purchases, but society expects them to put everything in their husband's name, so he can “feel like a man.”

I have heard men boast about controlling every penny their wives earn, deciding how the money is spent, and flaunting their authority over it. Women who shrink themselves to make their partner feel seen are essentially catering to someone with ego issues. If it's your choice, fine. But if society, family, or religion pressure you to do it, that is abuse disguised as “respect” or “submission.”

As a Christian, I have seen submission exploited in churches: women are asked to accept unacceptable behavior and shrink so that men can “feel seen.” That is dangerous and dehumanizing. If someone can only feel seen by forcing you to put yourself down, that person does not respect you: they see you as less than human; They see you as a worm.