Here are three typical problems older couples face and how to solve them:
get into a routine
Most long-term couples eventually fall into romantic ruts. Here are some ways to get back on track.
Restart your love life. Your fulfilling sex life doesn’t start in the bedroom. Plan regular dates with your partner and think about doing things that are new for both of you, such as attending a class together, participating in a local event, or taking an impromptu romantic getaway overnight or weekend. “Doing something different and unexpected can offer a shared sense of excitement that increases desire and can bring you and your partner closer together, which also helps cultivate desire,” says Dr. Bober.
Turn it around. Pay more attention to your partner’s happiness and satisfaction and less attention to yourself. According to Dr. Bober, “this can be very exciting for both people.”
out of sync
There are times in many couples’ relationships when there is unequal desire. “When one partner wants to have sex more often than the other, this can lead to frustration for both partners,” explains Dr. Bober. Finding common ground and a deeper understanding of each other’s needs is essential to getting back in sync. As an example:
Experiment with various approaches to satisfy. You can focus more on “outside intercourse,” which involves focusing your energy and attention on manual stimulation and foreplay with your partner, such as kissing, massaging, or cuddling in bed while naked. Watching videos or exchanging erotic fiction are other options. “Emphasize intimacy, sensuality, and closeness without the pressure of having a romantic encounter that always leads to intercourse,” advises Dr. Bober.
Take time for personal connection. To get your rhythm back, you occasionally have to force sex to happen. “This way, neither of you needs to feel pressured to initiate it, but rather you can wait and anticipate a romantic encounter together,” suggests Dr. Bober. Since desires can differ from person to person and during the day and night, it is important to discuss when is best and try to reach an agreement.
Low energy
Menopausal symptoms, such as vaginal dryness, can impact older women’s sexual desire and level of satisfaction. Low testosterone levels or erectile dysfunction are often the causes of low sexual energy in men.
ED or erectile dysfunction. Because erectile dysfunction can be a blow to self-esteem, men with this disorder may have low energy. “Men may feel embarrassed about not being able to get or maintain an erection or worry about not being able to perform as well as before, so motivation and energy for sex may decrease along with that worry,” says Dr. Bober.
Erectile dysfunction medications may be beneficial by increasing blood flow to the penis. Research indicates that in approximately 70% of healthy men, they can help achieve an erection strong enough to initiate sexual activity. The three most commonly prescribed medications are tadalafil (Cialis), avanafil (Stendra), and sildenafil (Viagra). Consult the doctor about the best medication and dosage. Other therapies may be an option if ED medications are not effective or if you cannot control side effects such as headaches, flushing, upset stomach, or dizziness. Consider a penis band, sometimes called an ED ring, or a vacuum pump, for example, if maintaining an erection is a challenge.
low testosterone. The male sex hormone, testosterone, begins to decline by about 1% annually when a man reaches age 30 and can decline by as much as 50% by the time he is 70. A common side effect is fatigue. Men with low testosterone levels can regain their energy with the use of absorbable pellet implants, injections, topical gels, or patches. After performing a blood test to measure your testosterone levels, your doctor can go over your testosterone therapy options.
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