Body image is so important these days. Yesterday, while I had a DESRESS day with my partner in Loh Lomond, I picked up and took the book “Body Confident You, Body Confident Kid” by Dr. Charlotte Ord.
Before starting to read, I examined the whole book. I wanted to understand how it was structured. This also helped me to learn more about Dr. Ord. While reading, their intentions became clear. Books like this are essential for parents, especially those who fight with their own body image. This can happen at any time in life. Although I have not finished it, some chapters really caught my attention.
One thing I have always known is that the fight of a father with body image can be transmitted to his son. On the other hand, safe and positive parents tend to raise safe children. In a society where everyone compares and strives for an external appearance of perfection, being a safe father can make a big difference for their children. You never underestimate the knowledge that your children get from you. They learn mainly watching how you get along.
For me, my parents always told us that we were beautiful. My mother constantly praised and talked about how beautiful she looked. This really created my trust. Due to this base, you can't tell me anything negative about me. I know I'm beautiful. This feeling remained true even when I had a girl around me during the school of Medicine. She constantly tried to undermine my trust. She would say things like: “Oh, you're so thin and you don't have flesh. Your breasts are small; what will a man touch? You don't have great vagrants, what will a man grab?” She constantly tried to destroy my trust because I saw how sure I was. I always wondered why.
Of course, I have never had any problem with this girl, not for a day.
However, knowing what I know now, she was projecting her own insecurities about me. Facially, she was not ugly. In fact, she was also beautiful, although not as beautiful as I, and I say it in fact. She was a bigger woman, with good height and good skin, but she had very low self -esteem. This led her to try to belittle me with her words. One of his friends even laughed and said he was jealous of me and wanted to look like me, so he always had something negative to say.
I knew it. However, there are more in the situation. She constantly talked about her boyfriend at that time, saying that she liked thick women and that she could never be attracted to someone like me. Honestly, I didn't care about their preferences. However, somehow, I was always the issue of his conversations, always on his lips. Finally, he ended up inviting me, and I was definitely not going to let that slide. This is how it developed:
We all live in the same house. I was in the kitchen one day when he approached me and told me that I looked sad. I was sad because I had just received bad news that made my world fall. I had failed in my first test after studying. One day, I will share that experience and how it gave me a way for life. To shorten the story, he offered me a hug. While I initially thought it was a harmless gesture, his grip was uncomfortable. I thought: “Maybe this is how he hugs,” but he wasn't letting go. I had to get away physically. Before this incident, my hair frequently commented in the kitchen, saying things like: “Oh, your hair is beautiful, can I touch it?” in a way that was more personal than a compliment. He always responded with a simple “thank you.” He commented a lot about my sense of style, not in the right way, but in more one way, but I never took it seriously.
After the hug incident, I packed my things and moved to the house that I shared with his girlfriend the next day. I was angry at the way I left, despite the fact that our other friend, who also lived there, told her that I went for her actions. She never understood what our friend meant.
That girl tried to tear me down and criticize my characteristics, which were the same characteristics to which she was attracted to her boyfriend. He ended up dating a woman who had my body type. “He left it disrespectful.” She discovered for her friends that he was dating another woman.
There are many people fighting internally. Instead of seeking help, they create false accounts on social networks and insult others. Some have friends who admire, but instead of congratulating them, they constantly knock them down and give bad advice. Unfortunately, those friends could not realize until it is too late. People who never let you make your own decisions, always considering yours so bad and only yours so good, often suffer from low self -esteem. I have experienced this first -hand. I can say with confidence that my parents did an excellent job by complementing all aspects of me. Today, nobody can tell me anything negative about me. I know I am beautiful, and that is the end of the story. If you don't like my size, take it with God.
“Safe Body, Body Confident Kid” is such an inspiring reading. It not only focuses on parents with confidence in the body, but also on how to raise children with confidence in the body. One thing that I especially appreciate from the book are the exercises you can do with your child.
For example, on page 216, it analyzes how exercise is often seen as a physical process by many. Exercise can be difficult for some children, and not just physically. If you do not feel that you have the “ideal” body, you have sensory sensibilities, or they are not naturally athletic, the class of gymnastics and sports can make you feel more conscious and ashamed. It is as if you are already worried about how you look or what you can do, and then exercise just shines in all that.
In addition, let's be realistic, exercise can stink. It can hurt, you get sweaty and breath, sometimes it is simply uncomfortable. Then, it makes total sense that as children age and begin to think more about themselves, they say: “No, I'm fine in that.”
It is as if we were connected to avoid pain, right? Whether it's your muscles burning or feeling ashamed. And for many children, exercise is both in one. It is even worse when an adult tells him exactly what to do and how difficult to strive, as in physical education. You can't even listen to your own body and what you feel good.
The writer also added that she even remembers this time at school when everyone had to execute this super long race. He liked sports and loved the challenge, but saw other children relax and chat through him. At that moment, she did not understand. But now he realizes that these children simply did not mind winning or striving like her. They valued the time with their friends more than a silly race, and they were intelligent enough to not do something that felt bad.
The point is that, like adults, children should enjoy being active to want to do it. But that becomes more difficult when I get to those teenage years and start worrying about what everyone thinks. Suddenly, there are all these silly ideas that float, such as “girls do not sweat” or “boys have to be super muscular.” Because of this, many girls actually leave sports in high school because they feel uncomfortable to change their bodies and are afraid to be judged. There was even this study that said that more than one million teenagers who liked sports were stopped after primary school because they lost their trust, they felt that people were looking at them, saw that boys and girls were not treated equally and even felt insecure.
As a father, it is always good to continue improving. When you feel a little off, it's fine, but remember to track because your children are looking. This book guides him through seven steps to feel good with his body so that his children grow up loving his. Remember, a child with confidence in the body is a child with confidence in the body.
You can buy this book in Macmillan bread.
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